18 Sept 1997 Flashback
Bad day. Kept morning watch, NO seemed to be in foul mood, keep picking on Ang and me. After watch, Buffer said loads of work to be done, he say 9am start work. I was tired and ask him whether can start at 9.15am, he said ok. I went to rest, full asleep and when I opened my eyes, it was 9.25am. A pipe has already been made at 9am++, I didn't hear it. Buffer as I can see was furious as he question me why all the gunners didn't muster. I try to do a bit of work, Wong & Ang didn't come out and when Buffer went down to check, they're sleeping. Oh Gosh! He question me that is it we're taking advantage just because he give us some welfare. Later in the day, Ops 'O' also question me about the pre-sea box for the EP which I didn't prepare. I was devastated by it as everytime its me who got being asked when things goes wrong as if I'm to blame. Help GY to clean arms in the afternoon. A fast one and after that, I was tired and slept. As I woke up, heard EM Ong making remarks on I'm sleeping and my fellow gunners are all suffering on the upper deck. I found out that CO want them to secure storm ropes and a pipe was made at 4pm++. I was deep asleep and nobody wake me up and Tan and Wong were shouting , saying I'm not steady. Ang too, didn't muster as he was also asleep. Tan, then made remark "saying I was very unsteady" as if I was "chao keng". It affected me for the rest of the day. I ponder over this incident, did grumble or try to explain this to "somebody" though I didn't like the man. Kept last dog, thinking about the incident, saw active volcanoes today also. Later, when Tan took over the bridge lookout from me, he raised his voice against me. I was fed-up and raised my voice too, saying I didn't muster because I was asleep & nobody call me or anything. I didn't want to quarrel with anyone on this trip, think whether am I too high profile. Its a long trip, still a long time to work together, quarrel won't do us any good. LKY was also on the bridge when the incident took place. *private thoughts* I was low morale as normal after these sort of incidents. I know I myself is an emotional & sensitive person, just can't stop myself from explaining things that I think people have misunderstood about me. "Wo hen zhi zhuo" but I really wish I can treat all these "yan guang" as nothing, don't explain myself, just live life as it come. Do you think you can do it, Weizhong?
I'm vexed today !!! Signoff, Weizhong
At work on this problematic day. Didn't look bad but it is later part of that day.
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